our adventure…life, adoption, and a little bit of everything else
Random header image... Refresh for more!

Posts from — September 2010

Spirit of Fear

For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind. 2 Timothy 1:7

Fear, why does it have to raise its sneaky little head in my life from time to time? Fear of the unknown…I just don’t like that. I like to know what’s going to happen and when it’s going to happen. ESPECIALLY in regards to adoption processes! I was this way with Clark’s adoption, and I am finding myself drifting that way with this adoption. When one part of the process starts taking longer than “normal” (but I have learned there is no “normal” with adoptions!), my mind starts drifting towards fear again. What if….you can complete that sentence with any number of things. I could fixate on the “what ifs” all day long. But I know that God does not give me a spirit of fear. I know God is in control. I know it is all in God’s perfect (planned out before the creation of time) timing. I know he loves our girls far more than my finite mind can comprehend. I know that he is preparing our girls for joining our family. I know he is working it all out for His glory. My mind KNOWS all of these things. However, my mama’s heart just wants our girls home. My mama’s heart just wants our girls out of the orphanage and with their forever family. My mama’s heart just wants to hold them, kiss them, and tuck them into their beds at night. This mama’s heart is just getting weary. But I know that I just have to rest in the arms of my heavenly Father. I can give all the worry and fear to him, because he can carry it when I just can’t. God doesn’t expect us to carry the heavy loads of life. He can and will….we just have to let go. So God, carry this load for me because it sure seems mighty heavy. It just seems incomplete knowing part of our family is in Soddo, Ethiopia!

We obviously do not have any new news about our adoption. We have been in a holding pattern for litterally weeks. Waiting to hear that our paperwork has been submitted to court for a court date. It hasn’t, and we still wait. We can only hope and pray that it will be submitted within the next few weeks.

We have a prayer request…so we would love it if you would also pass it on to others. Our adoption agency has asked for specific prayer for the orphanage where our girls are. It is called Soddo Orphanage, and it is full to capacity with orphans. There is only one social worker that is trying to complete documentation on all of the children that are in the adoption process. He is overwhelmed with work, and no one to help him. Please lift him up in prayer for strength and perseverence. The selfish side of me tends to want to pray just for our girls paperwork to be completed, but the reality is that there are other children in the same situation…and anxious parents waiting to bring them home.

While we are asking for prayer, I will bring up another prayer request. We found out a few weeks ago that Clark has dyslexia. It really explained some of the issues we were having with school work, etc. It was like a light went off when we were able to speak with the specialist! Definitely some “ah ha” moments. Anyway, he is seeing a dyslexia tutor once a week, and we are doing supplemental work at home…after his regular kindergarten work. It can be frustrating and difficult, but we can see improvement in just a few weeks. He is smart fellow, and we just want him to reach his full potential. He is handling the extra work quite well (most days), and totally doesn’t mind going to tutoring. Though he thinks the word is quite funny! He is a boy after all. He asked one day when I talked about tutoring why I was talking about his toots………ha!! He laughed and laughed, sadly, he still laughs at the word. Sheesh!! I pray God grants me the patience and perseverance I need through this. God puts things in our life to mold us and make us into the people he wants us to be, and this is just part of the journey. Parenthood isn’t easy, but it is worth each and every step along the way. When I look into our son’s eyes, I see a huge heart despite his small stature. I can’t get caught up in the learning problem, I have to focus on that awesome heart!

We have had some fun over the last few weeks though. My brother and his family made a quick trip here over Labor Day. We got to love on our cute nephews, and Ali enjoyed some time with Abby. The weather wasn’t good, so we didn’t get to head out to a local park like we had entended. But, we got to visit and love on the kiddos, so it was great.

Last weekend, we took advantage of the “Hero Salute” program that Sea World offers. Once a year military families are granted one day passes to Sea World. This was our 3rd year to take advantage of this. We loaded up and headed to San Antonio for a day with Shamu, and some time exploring the San Antonio downtown area. We had lots of fun. It rained on us, but it really cooled things down…so it was worth it. We toured a couple of the old missions, the River Walk area, Tower of the Americas, a quick tour of The Alamo, TX Transportation Museum, of course Sea World, and had some really YUMMY food. We love traveling with our family….they love it too. Clark is always so excited to stay in a hotel. We thought he might come home with a few less teeth, however. One morning we were up getting ready and he tripped and hit his mouth on the granite end table. Just saying, granite usually wins. He bit his lip, and has a couple of loose teeth now. But, it could have been much worse.

I just started reading a book on multiracial families. It’s been on my heart lately, wondering how others will accept our mixed race family. Not that it matters to us, we know God has called us to this. But it will matter to our children…how they are accepted…how they react when people comment…how Ali and Clark will handle the questions…and on and on. We want our children to be secure in who they are as children of God first, and second we want them to be secure in the fact that this is what God intended for our family to look like. That even though our skin is a different color, they are just the children God wanted them to be. It is hard for me, you see, because I don’t put much value in the color of someones skin. It just doesn’t matter to me. I don’t do a double take when I see a mixed family, I simply see a family. But I know there are many out there that don’t see it that way. That wonder why in the world we would raise “black” children. But here we are, simply longing for our brown skin beauties to come home. No one else has to understand it. Honestly, I don’t really care if they do, but we do. That’s all that matters. We know that God brought them into this world to be our daughters, to be Ali and Clark’s sisters. PERIOD. The book I’m reading is called Does Anybody Else Look Like Me? by Donna Jackson Nakazawa. One paragraph that has stuck out in my mind thus far is this….

My husband, and I had talked many times about our desire to help our son forge a strong self-core; to be able to look into the world around him and bring his eyes back to his own mirror with self-love, with a clearcut knowledge of who he was. Our goal was to imbue in him a deeply rooted self-identity–so that no matter what others might say, no matter what might occur, he would be crystal clear about his identity, about his absolute worth, within the greater world. We wanted to fill his emotional bank so full to the brim it would well-withstand any withdrawals the world might make by way of stinging questions and comments by fostering in him an unshakable faith in his own beauty and value and worth.

I just think it fit my thoughts exactly. I’m anxious to dig deeper into this book and learn some tools to help us along the way. For we know…..Man does not see what the Lord sees, for man sees what is visible, but the Lord sees the heart. 1 Samuel 16:7

So may we all strive to see what God sees.

September 22, 2010   No Comments